Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Bush Strategy for Success in Iraq

I've had an epiphany; it came to me while watching Real Time with Bill Maher on YouTube. They were discussing, in rapid succession, many topics ranging from religion to global warming to elections to Iraq. Then it hit me: Bush's plan for success in Iraq is global warming! Look at the facts:

  • Bush denies global warming exists.
    Let's assume that it is indeed his plan. Wouldn't he want to keep his winning strategy a secret? The best way to maintain the secrecy is to deny its existence.
  • Iraq is very hot.
    Being a desert country, Iraq has recorded some of the Earth's hottest temperatures. If it were bumped up a little, it could very well cause rampant death and destruction in the region.
  • Much of Iraq has inconsistent electricity.
    Due to contractor graft, incompetence, and/or stupidity, many of the electrical plants in Iraq are still operating at Shock And Awe® levels. This means that there won't be nearly the requisite amount of available power to maintain air conditioners when the temperatures go up. There will be virtually no safe place to cower from the heat.
  • Bush is accelerating the effects of global warming.
    Through both his regressive domestic agendas and his refusal to update (or even enforce) pollution and efficiency standards, Bush is in effect quickening the effects of global warming. This is being done as a way to accelerate his Operation: Infinite Temperatures initiative.

All in all, it is an ingenious plan. In only a few short decades, the residents insurgents of Iraq should just topple over from heatstroke. Of course, so will the residents of Phoenix, Las Vegas, Silicon Valley, El Paso, Salt Lake City, and Kennebunkport. Sorry 'bout that.

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